Monday, December 7, 2015
Monday, November 9, 2015
Monday, November 2, 2015
Monday, October 26, 2015
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
Monday, September 28, 2015
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
Hey Podcasters, I've got an idea!
Evening Party People!
I've been podcasting for over two years now. Some weeks I'm excited to post a new show, others I'm dreading the reaction but overall I've been having a blast. I'm getting to the point to where I'm wondering if I should be doing more to promote the show. I could pump money into ads but I don't know enough about ads to know what is and what isn't effective. Meaning I don't want to throw spaghetti against the wall and see what sticks. So I thought ,"Hey how can I share my show and help my friends at the same time?"
So I took an inventory of what I have and I created The Disjointed Pod Network! This is a page where I'll be showing the logos and links to my friend's websites and shows! I figure this wont cost my friends anything, hopefully they get some of my listeners and I'll get some of there's in return.
So far I put up my friend JD Lopez's show Left Hand Right Brain. I hope to add more in the days to come. Which leads me to this invitation-
DisJointed Productions LLC would like to invite any podcast of any type to be on the network! Just go to disjointedpod.com and in the contact button you can submit a link to your show!
All I ask is that you submit a show that comes out on a semi regular basis. In other words if you only put out a few episodes a year then it might not be a good fit for us. It helps if you have a website for your show as well as some sort of social media presence.
As for money, it won't cost you a thing! I don't make any ad revenue from my show so at this point there's nothing to pay out. If the time comes to where I could provide any ad money I'd be sure to do that. As a matter of fact I can make a contract stating that if it makes you feel better. As for any ad money you might be making on your show, I don't want any of it.
This network idea is about sharing our shows to as many people as possible. If you want in please hit me up at disjointedpod.com
Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!
Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Monday, August 17, 2015
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Meeting a very rich older guy.
Morning Party People!
So this event happened while I was at work. It was later in the evening at the restaurant that I work at. An older couple sat down and ordered some drinks and what not. Part of my job involves me being charming and talkative to the guests , which I was. The conversation started to become about movie and such which is when he shared with me that he was one of the guys who green lit Die Hard.
That's when things took an odd turn. The first thing that came to mind is that this guy might be just pulling my leg. As the conversation moved along he mentioned a lot of names of people he worked with/knew. Names like Ruppert Murdock and Les Shroud. As someone whose heart has always yearned to work in Hollywood I felt I needed to give the guy my ear and listen to what he had to say.
What was apparent to me is that this guy was a different type of human than I'm used to speaking with. His mind worked on a different level. He wasn't so much an artist but a businessman. He seemed to have two things about his mind that set him apart from other people I've known. One he had a mind that always broke things down to the simplest solutions, combine that with a great eye for talent to put in the right positions. The other thing that really intrigued me was his perception of reality.
He told me about his achievements outside of Hollywood and the constant was that the thought of him not being able to overcome an obstacle was beyond him. There was a point A and a point B, anything else was a distraction. I have a hard time with this type of thinking as I don't always believe the simplest solution is the best. Sometimes the simple solution treats the symptom more so that the disease. I have an even harder time with that type of thinking when I see that it's effective more times than not.
Meaning I hate being wrong with my view of life. I'm still processing this conversation I had with the guy, I might even get his books and see what he has to say. I have to admit when someone suggests I also read Atlas Shrugged I have a strong desire to club them over the head, steal their ID cards then drop them off in the slums of a third world country and watch them pick themselves up by their bootstraps. My worst fear is they would do exactly that proving that liberals are dead wrong on poverty.
So putting aside my own views, I really tried to listen and apply the advice he gave me. It's not everyday I run into someone like this so I owed it to myself to make the most of it. He said the main thing he did to achieve his success was he just showed up. (The simplest solution)
There was other bits of advice he gave but that's the one that stuck out. "I just showed up Dave."
Now I'm making a promise to myself to do that with my own life. To show up, not just for open mics and my day job mind you, but for me. I promise to show up for my projects, like my radio drama, and to personal things like my relationship with Jennie as well as my friends. The more I thought about his advice the more I found to my dismay that there is a lot of my life that I don't "show up" for. I have to thank that guy for his advice, it's just odd that it came from someone I would probably despise if I had read about him.
It sucks when you realize you still have a lot of growing to do. On the bright side it's great I learned this now as opposed to ten years from now. Isn't life wonderful?
Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!
So this event happened while I was at work. It was later in the evening at the restaurant that I work at. An older couple sat down and ordered some drinks and what not. Part of my job involves me being charming and talkative to the guests , which I was. The conversation started to become about movie and such which is when he shared with me that he was one of the guys who green lit Die Hard.
That's when things took an odd turn. The first thing that came to mind is that this guy might be just pulling my leg. As the conversation moved along he mentioned a lot of names of people he worked with/knew. Names like Ruppert Murdock and Les Shroud. As someone whose heart has always yearned to work in Hollywood I felt I needed to give the guy my ear and listen to what he had to say.
What was apparent to me is that this guy was a different type of human than I'm used to speaking with. His mind worked on a different level. He wasn't so much an artist but a businessman. He seemed to have two things about his mind that set him apart from other people I've known. One he had a mind that always broke things down to the simplest solutions, combine that with a great eye for talent to put in the right positions. The other thing that really intrigued me was his perception of reality.
He told me about his achievements outside of Hollywood and the constant was that the thought of him not being able to overcome an obstacle was beyond him. There was a point A and a point B, anything else was a distraction. I have a hard time with this type of thinking as I don't always believe the simplest solution is the best. Sometimes the simple solution treats the symptom more so that the disease. I have an even harder time with that type of thinking when I see that it's effective more times than not.
Meaning I hate being wrong with my view of life. I'm still processing this conversation I had with the guy, I might even get his books and see what he has to say. I have to admit when someone suggests I also read Atlas Shrugged I have a strong desire to club them over the head, steal their ID cards then drop them off in the slums of a third world country and watch them pick themselves up by their bootstraps. My worst fear is they would do exactly that proving that liberals are dead wrong on poverty.
So putting aside my own views, I really tried to listen and apply the advice he gave me. It's not everyday I run into someone like this so I owed it to myself to make the most of it. He said the main thing he did to achieve his success was he just showed up. (The simplest solution)
There was other bits of advice he gave but that's the one that stuck out. "I just showed up Dave."
Now I'm making a promise to myself to do that with my own life. To show up, not just for open mics and my day job mind you, but for me. I promise to show up for my projects, like my radio drama, and to personal things like my relationship with Jennie as well as my friends. The more I thought about his advice the more I found to my dismay that there is a lot of my life that I don't "show up" for. I have to thank that guy for his advice, it's just odd that it came from someone I would probably despise if I had read about him.
It sucks when you realize you still have a lot of growing to do. On the bright side it's great I learned this now as opposed to ten years from now. Isn't life wonderful?
Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!
Monday, July 20, 2015
Monday, July 6, 2015
Saturday, June 20, 2015
DisJointed
Evening Party People!
So it's a quarter to midnight here in Denver. It's Pride weekend and there is a sense of joy in the air, mostly due to all the people in the city having a great time partying...that or because of all the molly floating around. The point is that everyone is having a good time and I'm here at home clicking away at my keyboard , trying to find a kernnel of truth to type out on to the ether.
I've found over the past few weeks one of the ways I keep my spirits up is by creating "something" on a daily basis. I'll either make a video, write some jokes, maybe I'll do a workout, and of course I write a blog.
Why did I call my company DisJointed Productions LLC? More specifically, why do I use the word Disjointed so much? What does it mean to me?
Originally DisJointed was just a word that used a capitol D and J, for David and Jim (my cousin). We made a logo many years ago just for the hell of it, as if we came up with the name just to say we were filmmakers. I remember Jim made a Myspace page for the company, because back then you weren't a legit artist unless you had a Myspace page.
We basically didn't do much or anything at all with DisJointed. It was a year latter and Jim was starting to work on his own projects that didn't involve me. I remember wondering if I should have been hurt by that but then I quickly came to the conclusion that our styles in film making were so different that the two of us working together for long periods of time might not be the best idea. Besides, I had my journey to start, and as much as we'd all like it, we can't always have someone with us to hold out hands on that journey.
I left my stable managing job to start DisJointed Productions LLC, a company that made Internet videos....of which I didn't sell even one. Jim and I did land one good sized job but that was about it.
Then two years ago I decided to continue a journey that I started years before, the one that involved me going up on stage and telling jokes. I knew there was a good chance I'd quit stand-up so I started a podcast to kind of make sure I was held accountable to my own dreams. I figured if I had an audience listening to me I would be more reluctant to quit. I was right by the way.
Now DisJointed Productions LLC no longer sells videos, now it sells me. So what does it mean now?
I think the reason why it always stuck with me is because "disjointed" is how I feel most of the time. I always feel like there is another me living in an alternate universe, he's funny, successful , and is making the most out of his life on a day to day basis. Me? I'm kind of like that guy only not quite.
I'm way more in touch with who I want to be, to that other me in the beta dimension . Still, some days I wonder if other me is getting impatient...
Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
Time to start a new habit, or kickstart an old one
Evening Party People!
It's been awhile since I wrote anything to you all, for that I apologize. I think I've let me life get cluttered with various activities and thoughts that at one point promised to bring me joy but in the end brought distraction.
Over the past few weeks I've been chipping away at the things that were keeping me from my goals. When it comes down to it I had to look at who I am versus who I wanted to be and cut out what doesn't work. Naturally the things I need to cut out of my life seem to coincide with what I identified with for so long.
The first thing to go was my Xbox 360. This was a tough one because being a gamer was a big part of who I was for so long. I'm 39 and I had been playing video games since I was in Junior high! Did you know you can be fat and ugly and call yourself a gamer? It's true, no one will expect anything from you when you're a gamer other than the fact that you love playing games. I'm not shitting on the new medium of art known as video games mind you, but for what I need to do with my life playing games all day or even part of the day doesn't really help me.
That was a tough pill to swallow, the fact that gaming wasn't doing anything for me other than distracting me in a fun way. Imagine a friend of yours who you've trusted for years has to be sent away because you found out they've been telling your dreams to fuck off behind your back. Dramatic I know but I find the older I get the more dramatic I need to be in order to motivate myself. Some of us are past our halfway make on this planet.
The next thing that is one it's way out is all the extra me that's hanging on my gut . Meaning my unhealthy lifestyle need to go. To be honest this isn't so much about being healthy and loosing weight and being in shape. It's about being me, I don't feel like I look like who I feel like. I'm not sure if that makes sense. Perhaps it's vanity or self indulgence but when I look in the mirror I only see bits and pieces of who I am/want to be. I know this will be a long process, lucky for me I have a plan!
I've started doing my DDP Yoga again. I even bought a yoga mat to do it on. Why is that a big thing for me? It's a big thing because I rarely invest in me, just look at how I dress! I rarely buy new clothes, I only buy shows when my current ones start to fall apart and I'm lucky if I remember to comb my hair in the morning. Do I avoid these things because they don't matter to me? Absolutely not, I love looking good, I love being attractive! So why? Why don't I take better care of me?
Truthfully I don't think I'm worth it, I think money could be better spent on things like bills and such. For years the only rewards I ever gave myself were my vices (Food,gaming,sex). None of my vices are even considered vices to most people but in my case I let they become distractions. Over the past five years I'm learned to turn those vices back into positive things for me (gaming still is a struggle)
So what makes me think that this effort will be different from any other attempt to get my life back on track? What makes me think I wont fall back into my old habits?
The answer is simple yet hard for me to accept, because I've changed, I've grown. As hard as it is to admit.
I can get my health back on track, I know it because I've already lost fifty pounds in the last year and I know I can lose fifty more.
I can get my career moving because I've already done that before. I was good enough to be on TV, I was good enough to get accepted to a theater academy and I'm good enough to do it again!
I can get funnier than I am today. I know this because after three years of doing open mics I finally got booked on a showcase and I did well. Meaning that I wasn't funny enough to be on a showcase for three years and worked hard on my jokes and found a way to make them better1
For those of you who follow my podcast (at disjointedpod.com ) you know I've been asking the question of what it takes to go from a 9-5 life to one of creativity. I can say that since I've started the show I've moved closer to making that dream a reality.
Maybe it's time I stop being so timid? Maybe I need to mix in some strides with all those baby steps I've been taking? Only time will tell!
Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!
It's been awhile since I wrote anything to you all, for that I apologize. I think I've let me life get cluttered with various activities and thoughts that at one point promised to bring me joy but in the end brought distraction.
Over the past few weeks I've been chipping away at the things that were keeping me from my goals. When it comes down to it I had to look at who I am versus who I wanted to be and cut out what doesn't work. Naturally the things I need to cut out of my life seem to coincide with what I identified with for so long.
The first thing to go was my Xbox 360. This was a tough one because being a gamer was a big part of who I was for so long. I'm 39 and I had been playing video games since I was in Junior high! Did you know you can be fat and ugly and call yourself a gamer? It's true, no one will expect anything from you when you're a gamer other than the fact that you love playing games. I'm not shitting on the new medium of art known as video games mind you, but for what I need to do with my life playing games all day or even part of the day doesn't really help me.
That was a tough pill to swallow, the fact that gaming wasn't doing anything for me other than distracting me in a fun way. Imagine a friend of yours who you've trusted for years has to be sent away because you found out they've been telling your dreams to fuck off behind your back. Dramatic I know but I find the older I get the more dramatic I need to be in order to motivate myself. Some of us are past our halfway make on this planet.
The next thing that is one it's way out is all the extra me that's hanging on my gut . Meaning my unhealthy lifestyle need to go. To be honest this isn't so much about being healthy and loosing weight and being in shape. It's about being me, I don't feel like I look like who I feel like. I'm not sure if that makes sense. Perhaps it's vanity or self indulgence but when I look in the mirror I only see bits and pieces of who I am/want to be. I know this will be a long process, lucky for me I have a plan!
I've started doing my DDP Yoga again. I even bought a yoga mat to do it on. Why is that a big thing for me? It's a big thing because I rarely invest in me, just look at how I dress! I rarely buy new clothes, I only buy shows when my current ones start to fall apart and I'm lucky if I remember to comb my hair in the morning. Do I avoid these things because they don't matter to me? Absolutely not, I love looking good, I love being attractive! So why? Why don't I take better care of me?
Truthfully I don't think I'm worth it, I think money could be better spent on things like bills and such. For years the only rewards I ever gave myself were my vices (Food,gaming,sex). None of my vices are even considered vices to most people but in my case I let they become distractions. Over the past five years I'm learned to turn those vices back into positive things for me (gaming still is a struggle)
So what makes me think that this effort will be different from any other attempt to get my life back on track? What makes me think I wont fall back into my old habits?
The answer is simple yet hard for me to accept, because I've changed, I've grown. As hard as it is to admit.
I can get my health back on track, I know it because I've already lost fifty pounds in the last year and I know I can lose fifty more.
I can get my career moving because I've already done that before. I was good enough to be on TV, I was good enough to get accepted to a theater academy and I'm good enough to do it again!
I can get funnier than I am today. I know this because after three years of doing open mics I finally got booked on a showcase and I did well. Meaning that I wasn't funny enough to be on a showcase for three years and worked hard on my jokes and found a way to make them better1
For those of you who follow my podcast (at disjointedpod.com ) you know I've been asking the question of what it takes to go from a 9-5 life to one of creativity. I can say that since I've started the show I've moved closer to making that dream a reality.
Maybe it's time I stop being so timid? Maybe I need to mix in some strides with all those baby steps I've been taking? Only time will tell!
Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Monday, May 25, 2015
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Saturday, April 4, 2015
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Friday, March 27, 2015
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Alright week, let's see what you've got!
Good Morning Party People,
It's 6:30 am, the sun is about to come up and I've just hit play on some music for this blog. Radical Face's Ghost is always a good choice for me when I'm writing. Now that I think about it,Blind Melon's Soup is my go to when it comes to painting and when I'm working on music or comedy I don't listen to anything. Music has been such a big part of how I choose to see the world but to be honest, I've had to learn when not to listen to any music when I need to work on stand up. I'll make sure my car is strangely quiet when I'm on the way to a mic, the sixteen year old me throws a fit when I do this.
So what's new this week? Well money sucks once again, but then again that's nothing new. The way my job's schedule system is set up is that if you don't up sell consistently on every table you don't get shifts, that's what happened to me. One one hand I can work harder and sell more and stop bitching about this system, or I could write to the company and show them why that system sucks on so many levels. I'd write them but if I did it would mean I cared about this job WAY more than I should.
I've come up with a new warning system where in that every time I start thinking about work and get pissed off at any number of random things I pull out my notebook and start writing jokes. Why? Because hating on work is a major distraction for me. The best way for me to stop being distracted by my day job is to get to a point where I don't need it anymore.
Last week I hit up three open mics. My goal was five so I missed it by two. Granted there was a shit load of snow in Denver but deep down I'm pissed I didn't brave the weather to hit up the mics.
This week I start a new and hope to hit up five mics. I've got some new stuff to work out so I'm pretty excited. I've also have some new pods to record and I'm hoping that will go well. If anything I'm moving forward and on a good day I can see the progress I'm making.
There's a part of me that wants to talk about the whole Sean Penn /green card joke that has a bunch of people pissed off. When upsets me about any of this is that I've always thought of myself as a liberal but when I see "outrage" like I saw on twitter that night it makes me understand why conservatives hate liberals so much. Here's the thing, I understand why people might be upset, on a human level it makes sense to me. However as a comic the reaction of the Internet is upsetting because I know at some point I'm going to have to face this reactionary wall of fear and hate.
What's funny about this is that I'm planning on a confrontation that would only happen if I were commercially successful in stand-up , which could happen but is in no way happening now. In other words I'm putting the cart before my high horse .
Ok so I need to plan how I'm going to use my day today, I need to do a few workouts and work on my sets for the week, and of course schedule some pods. I might not have the cash in my pocket to make me happy but at least I have a shit load of time to make my life happy, now to just use it wisely!
Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!
It's 6:30 am, the sun is about to come up and I've just hit play on some music for this blog. Radical Face's Ghost is always a good choice for me when I'm writing. Now that I think about it,Blind Melon's Soup is my go to when it comes to painting and when I'm working on music or comedy I don't listen to anything. Music has been such a big part of how I choose to see the world but to be honest, I've had to learn when not to listen to any music when I need to work on stand up. I'll make sure my car is strangely quiet when I'm on the way to a mic, the sixteen year old me throws a fit when I do this.
So what's new this week? Well money sucks once again, but then again that's nothing new. The way my job's schedule system is set up is that if you don't up sell consistently on every table you don't get shifts, that's what happened to me. One one hand I can work harder and sell more and stop bitching about this system, or I could write to the company and show them why that system sucks on so many levels. I'd write them but if I did it would mean I cared about this job WAY more than I should.
I've come up with a new warning system where in that every time I start thinking about work and get pissed off at any number of random things I pull out my notebook and start writing jokes. Why? Because hating on work is a major distraction for me. The best way for me to stop being distracted by my day job is to get to a point where I don't need it anymore.
Last week I hit up three open mics. My goal was five so I missed it by two. Granted there was a shit load of snow in Denver but deep down I'm pissed I didn't brave the weather to hit up the mics.
This week I start a new and hope to hit up five mics. I've got some new stuff to work out so I'm pretty excited. I've also have some new pods to record and I'm hoping that will go well. If anything I'm moving forward and on a good day I can see the progress I'm making.
There's a part of me that wants to talk about the whole Sean Penn /green card joke that has a bunch of people pissed off. When upsets me about any of this is that I've always thought of myself as a liberal but when I see "outrage" like I saw on twitter that night it makes me understand why conservatives hate liberals so much. Here's the thing, I understand why people might be upset, on a human level it makes sense to me. However as a comic the reaction of the Internet is upsetting because I know at some point I'm going to have to face this reactionary wall of fear and hate.
What's funny about this is that I'm planning on a confrontation that would only happen if I were commercially successful in stand-up , which could happen but is in no way happening now. In other words I'm putting the cart before my high horse .
Ok so I need to plan how I'm going to use my day today, I need to do a few workouts and work on my sets for the week, and of course schedule some pods. I might not have the cash in my pocket to make me happy but at least I have a shit load of time to make my life happy, now to just use it wisely!
Till next time Party People,
Keep on a Chooglin!
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Damn you Henry Rollins! It's time to get my ass back to work!
Morning Party People!
For the past year or so I've been trying to rewire my brain. That's the best way to describe what it is that I'm doing. From my physical health to my mental health, I've been working on taking baby step by baby step towards the person/artist that I want to be.
It started when I came to Denver this time last year. It was the new start that I had dreamed of ever since I knew my marriage was over. You see when you go through something as destructive as a divorce it acts the same was as a forest fire. Yes there is a lot of burning of trees, yes there is a lot of smoke that gets in your eyes so you can't see straight, and yes a lot of the creatures who lived in that forest are either dead or homeless and hungry but out of all that destruction new life springs forth.
The hard part is not wanting to ditch that forest for a similar forest that isn't on fire. The other forest doesn't have your past but it has the same problems as the last one did. Similar creatures and similar trees that choke out the same sun, Think of it as running from your problems only to find shelter and comfort in a new environment which has the same issues as before.
It was important to me that I not "Run" from my problems in Phoenix. I had worked hard to overcome those problems so when I moved to Denver I did it with a blank slate that I had earned and created. In this past year I've spent way more time doing comedy and writing than I had in my fifteen years in Phoenix. I had also started working on my health through DDP Yoga, in doing so I've addressed more of my bad health habits here than I have ever done. All in all I'm doing what I wanted to do and have made a lot of my move here.
Here's the thing, I know I can do more, I know I could do better.
A week ago stumbled apon a episode of Pete Holmes podcast You Made it Weird where his guest was Henry Rollins.
http://www.nerdist.com/pepisode/you-made-it-weird-243-henry-rollins/
If you have never listened to a podcast before this is a good one to start out on. It's shows like this and conversations like this that made me want to start my own show. I learned so much from this interview with Henry Rollins. First off I learned I don't want to be Henry Rollins. I do however want to have some of his habits as well as his work ethics. To me it seems like Henry works very hard to get shit done, I think an excuse is like a cancer that eats away at his soul and everyday he takes a scalpel and cuts it out of his own flesh only to great the sunrise and say"Let's do this fucker!"
He's always working to get better at what he does, he even works to get better on getting better and when he's not doing that he's working on getting better at getting better. Life is a finite thing and he is hyper aware of that fact so he's trying to make every day count So I'm going to follow his lead and do the same thing.
The power of conversation is an amazing thing, there's something about hearing a story of someone's success and having it empower you do move your own life forward. One of those steps for me is this blog. This little blog that I started a ways back and have sadly neglected
.
My new goal is to post here once a week, I'm going to force myself to write and in so forcing myself to observe and connect with the world around me. It's the next step in my own evolution, I'd call it a baby step but I think my "baby steps" have grown into something else.
That's all I have for this week, tune in next week where I'm sure I'll be bitching about my day job! Till next time Party People, Keep on a Chooglin!
For the past year or so I've been trying to rewire my brain. That's the best way to describe what it is that I'm doing. From my physical health to my mental health, I've been working on taking baby step by baby step towards the person/artist that I want to be.
It started when I came to Denver this time last year. It was the new start that I had dreamed of ever since I knew my marriage was over. You see when you go through something as destructive as a divorce it acts the same was as a forest fire. Yes there is a lot of burning of trees, yes there is a lot of smoke that gets in your eyes so you can't see straight, and yes a lot of the creatures who lived in that forest are either dead or homeless and hungry but out of all that destruction new life springs forth.
The hard part is not wanting to ditch that forest for a similar forest that isn't on fire. The other forest doesn't have your past but it has the same problems as the last one did. Similar creatures and similar trees that choke out the same sun, Think of it as running from your problems only to find shelter and comfort in a new environment which has the same issues as before.
It was important to me that I not "Run" from my problems in Phoenix. I had worked hard to overcome those problems so when I moved to Denver I did it with a blank slate that I had earned and created. In this past year I've spent way more time doing comedy and writing than I had in my fifteen years in Phoenix. I had also started working on my health through DDP Yoga, in doing so I've addressed more of my bad health habits here than I have ever done. All in all I'm doing what I wanted to do and have made a lot of my move here.
Here's the thing, I know I can do more, I know I could do better.
A week ago stumbled apon a episode of Pete Holmes podcast You Made it Weird where his guest was Henry Rollins.
http://www.nerdist.com/pepisode/you-made-it-weird-243-henry-rollins/
If you have never listened to a podcast before this is a good one to start out on. It's shows like this and conversations like this that made me want to start my own show. I learned so much from this interview with Henry Rollins. First off I learned I don't want to be Henry Rollins. I do however want to have some of his habits as well as his work ethics. To me it seems like Henry works very hard to get shit done, I think an excuse is like a cancer that eats away at his soul and everyday he takes a scalpel and cuts it out of his own flesh only to great the sunrise and say"Let's do this fucker!"
He's always working to get better at what he does, he even works to get better on getting better and when he's not doing that he's working on getting better at getting better. Life is a finite thing and he is hyper aware of that fact so he's trying to make every day count So I'm going to follow his lead and do the same thing.
The power of conversation is an amazing thing, there's something about hearing a story of someone's success and having it empower you do move your own life forward. One of those steps for me is this blog. This little blog that I started a ways back and have sadly neglected
.
My new goal is to post here once a week, I'm going to force myself to write and in so forcing myself to observe and connect with the world around me. It's the next step in my own evolution, I'd call it a baby step but I think my "baby steps" have grown into something else.
That's all I have for this week, tune in next week where I'm sure I'll be bitching about my day job! Till next time Party People, Keep on a Chooglin!
Monday, February 9, 2015
Monday, February 2, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
I don't know what to feel right now, another Germain leaves this world.
Morning Everyone,
I'll give you a heads up, this isn't a happy blog.
The emotions we use to process the information that seeps in and out of the fabric of time can be just as confusing as enlightening. About a month ago I got word that three of my brothers were having health issues to varying degrees. The least of which was a silent heart attack.
The moment I heard the news I had an instant reaction to start preparing for the worst, to steal myself, I had to plan for what was coming. I knew I had to do this, I had to react a certain way, I had been through this before.
When I was twelve I lost my father to a heart issue. I watched him whither away over a year's time from what could only be describes as a superhero in a child's eyes to a bitter man who used to make me get him cigarettes as he wheezed constantly. In that time I did what I had learned from him before he got sick. I turned my heart to stone, I did my best not to feel any pain. To stay strong, the family motto as it were.
A few days ago I got a message via Facebook from my younger sister saying that my Brother Damon was going into surgery. They were going to try for a heart transplant but if they couldn't do that they would install a defibrillator. I knew when they told me that a heart transplant wasn't going to happen. I hoped that the defibrillator would work but they a day later I got a call from another brother saying his body rejected it.
Last night shortly after 10pm my brother Damon left this world.
As a person who considers himself an optimist it's situations like this that makes be feel utterly helpless, a fool even for trying to think positive. I know I'm not a fool. I'm fortunate enough to know when hope isn't enough . Reality is far to clear. I know I'm heartbroken, I know I'm filled with regret for not trying to be closer to him, and I know that none of those feeling ,regrets, or desires do anything to change the fact that I'll never be able to correct those things.
However....
The lesson I learned from my fathers passing was to teach myself not to feel. As a grown man I learned that that's a short term fix. I think of it like hitting the nitros on a race car, you can use it in short bursts but you can't drive like that all the time. I made many mistakes when it came to being a good person, a lot of it had to do with not feeling. These days I know how to balance this.
I thought back to when I was 13, when I was messed up from what had happened, I wished I had someone close to me to talk to. I had my Mom and my sister but they were hurting just like I was and I didn't want to burden them (in my mind) I had to be strong. I had my older brothers and sister but I didn't grow up with them and we had never been close at that point.
Then I thought of my brother's kids, my nephew specifically.
My nephew is a good kid. He's smart, handsome and driven. In short, he's a Germain. I called him to talk about what was going on and to ask how he was dealing with all of this. I felt really invasive about it all because we had only ever really spoken a few years prior to that phone call. I know that he's strong enough to handle all of this, but just the same , I know what it's like to lose someone you care about and I know what it's like to want someone to talk to about shit like this.
There's nothing I can do about the past , but I know there is a way I can help with the future and that's what I hope to do.
I know change is a part of growing. I just wish we as beings were able to adequately prepare for these changes.
Via con Dios dear brother, I hope you have fun fishing with Dad once again =)
I'll give you a heads up, this isn't a happy blog.
The emotions we use to process the information that seeps in and out of the fabric of time can be just as confusing as enlightening. About a month ago I got word that three of my brothers were having health issues to varying degrees. The least of which was a silent heart attack.
The moment I heard the news I had an instant reaction to start preparing for the worst, to steal myself, I had to plan for what was coming. I knew I had to do this, I had to react a certain way, I had been through this before.
When I was twelve I lost my father to a heart issue. I watched him whither away over a year's time from what could only be describes as a superhero in a child's eyes to a bitter man who used to make me get him cigarettes as he wheezed constantly. In that time I did what I had learned from him before he got sick. I turned my heart to stone, I did my best not to feel any pain. To stay strong, the family motto as it were.
A few days ago I got a message via Facebook from my younger sister saying that my Brother Damon was going into surgery. They were going to try for a heart transplant but if they couldn't do that they would install a defibrillator. I knew when they told me that a heart transplant wasn't going to happen. I hoped that the defibrillator would work but they a day later I got a call from another brother saying his body rejected it.
Last night shortly after 10pm my brother Damon left this world.
As a person who considers himself an optimist it's situations like this that makes be feel utterly helpless, a fool even for trying to think positive. I know I'm not a fool. I'm fortunate enough to know when hope isn't enough . Reality is far to clear. I know I'm heartbroken, I know I'm filled with regret for not trying to be closer to him, and I know that none of those feeling ,regrets, or desires do anything to change the fact that I'll never be able to correct those things.
However....
The lesson I learned from my fathers passing was to teach myself not to feel. As a grown man I learned that that's a short term fix. I think of it like hitting the nitros on a race car, you can use it in short bursts but you can't drive like that all the time. I made many mistakes when it came to being a good person, a lot of it had to do with not feeling. These days I know how to balance this.
I thought back to when I was 13, when I was messed up from what had happened, I wished I had someone close to me to talk to. I had my Mom and my sister but they were hurting just like I was and I didn't want to burden them (in my mind) I had to be strong. I had my older brothers and sister but I didn't grow up with them and we had never been close at that point.
Then I thought of my brother's kids, my nephew specifically.
My nephew is a good kid. He's smart, handsome and driven. In short, he's a Germain. I called him to talk about what was going on and to ask how he was dealing with all of this. I felt really invasive about it all because we had only ever really spoken a few years prior to that phone call. I know that he's strong enough to handle all of this, but just the same , I know what it's like to lose someone you care about and I know what it's like to want someone to talk to about shit like this.
There's nothing I can do about the past , but I know there is a way I can help with the future and that's what I hope to do.
I know change is a part of growing. I just wish we as beings were able to adequately prepare for these changes.
Via con Dios dear brother, I hope you have fun fishing with Dad once again =)
Monday, January 12, 2015
Sunday, January 4, 2015
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