DisJointed

Evening Party People!

           So it's a quarter to midnight here in Denver. It's Pride weekend and there is a sense of joy in the air, mostly due to all the people in the city having a great time partying...that or because of all the molly floating around. The point is that everyone is having a good time and I'm here at home clicking away at my keyboard , trying to find a kernnel of truth to type out on to the ether.

          I've found over the past few weeks one of the ways I  keep my spirits up is by creating "something" on a daily basis. I'll either make a video, write some jokes, maybe I'll do a workout, and of course I write a blog.

          Why did I call my company DisJointed Productions LLC? More specifically, why do I use the word Disjointed so much? What does it mean to me?

          Originally DisJointed was just a word that used a capitol D and J, for David and Jim (my cousin). We made a logo many years ago just for the hell of it, as if we came up with the name just to say we were filmmakers. I remember Jim made a Myspace page for the company, because back then you weren't a legit artist unless you had a Myspace page.

          We basically didn't do much or anything at all with DisJointed. It was a year latter and Jim was starting to work on his own projects that didn't involve me. I remember wondering if I should have been hurt by that but then I quickly came to the conclusion that our styles in film making were so different that the two of us working together for long periods of time might not be the best idea. Besides, I had my journey to start, and as much as we'd all like it, we can't always have someone with us to hold out hands on that journey.

          I left my stable managing job to start DisJointed Productions LLC, a company that made Internet videos....of which I didn't sell even one. Jim and I did land one good sized job but that was about it.

          Then two years ago I decided to continue a journey that I started years before, the one that involved me going up on stage and telling jokes. I knew there was a good chance I'd quit stand-up so I started a podcast to kind of make sure I was held accountable to my own dreams. I figured if I had an audience listening to me I would be more reluctant to quit. I was right by the way.

          Now DisJointed Productions LLC no longer sells videos, now it sells me. So what does it mean now? 

         I think the reason why it always stuck with me is because "disjointed" is how I feel most of the time. I always feel like there is another me living in an alternate universe, he's funny, successful , and is making the most out of his life on a day to day basis. Me? I'm kind of like that guy only not quite.

        I'm way more in touch with who I want to be, to that other me in the beta dimension . Still, some days I wonder if other me is getting impatient...

Till next time Party People

Keep on a Chooglin!           

Time to start a new habit, or kickstart an old one

Evening Party People!
            It's been awhile since I wrote anything to you all, for that I apologize. I think I've let me life get cluttered with various activities and thoughts that at one point promised to bring me joy but in the end brought distraction.
            Over the past few weeks I've been chipping away at the things that were keeping me from my goals. When it comes down to it I had to look at who I am versus who I wanted to be and cut out what doesn't work. Naturally the things I need to cut out of my life seem to coincide with what I identified with for so long.
            The first thing to go was my Xbox 360. This was a tough one because being a gamer was a big part of who I was for so long. I'm 39 and I had been playing video games since I was in Junior high! Did you know you can be fat and ugly and call yourself a gamer? It's true, no one will expect anything from you when you're a gamer other than the fact that you love playing games. I'm not shitting on the new medium of art known as video games mind you, but for what I need to do with my life playing games all day or even part of the day doesn't really help me.
            That was a tough pill to swallow, the fact that gaming wasn't doing anything for me other than distracting me in a fun way. Imagine a friend of yours who you've trusted for years has to be sent away because you found out they've been telling your dreams to fuck off behind your back. Dramatic I know but I find the older I get the more dramatic I need to be in order to motivate myself. Some of us are past our halfway make on this planet.
             The next thing that is one it's way out is all the extra me that's hanging on my gut . Meaning my unhealthy lifestyle need to go. To be honest this isn't so much about being healthy and loosing weight and being in shape. It's about being me, I don't feel like I look like who I feel like. I'm not sure if that makes sense. Perhaps it's vanity or self indulgence but when I look in the mirror I only see bits and pieces of who I am/want to be. I know this will be a long process, lucky for me I have a plan!
              I've started doing my DDP Yoga again. I even bought a yoga mat to do it on. Why is that a big thing for me? It's a big thing because I rarely invest in me, just look at how I dress! I rarely buy new clothes, I only buy shows when my current ones start to fall apart and I'm lucky if I remember to comb my hair in the morning. Do I avoid these things because they don't matter to me? Absolutely not, I love looking good, I love being attractive! So why? Why don't I take better care of me?      
             Truthfully I don't think I'm worth it, I think money could be better spent on things like bills and such. For years the only rewards I ever gave myself were my vices (Food,gaming,sex). None of my vices are even considered vices to most people but in my case I let they become distractions. Over the past five years I'm learned to turn those vices back into positive things for me (gaming still is a struggle)
              So what makes me think that this effort will be different from any other attempt to get my life back on track? What makes me think I wont fall back into my old habits?
              The answer is simple yet hard for me to accept, because I've changed, I've grown. As hard as it is to admit.
              I can get my health back on track, I know it because I've already lost fifty pounds in the last year and I know I can lose fifty more.
             I can get my career moving because I've already done that before. I was good enough to be on TV, I was good enough to get accepted to a theater academy and I'm good enough to do it again!
             I can get funnier than I am today. I know this because after three years of doing open mics I finally got booked on a showcase and I did well. Meaning that I wasn't funny enough to be on a showcase for three years and worked hard on my jokes and found a way to make them better1
             For those of you who follow my podcast (at disjointedpod.com ) you know I've been asking the question of what it takes to go from a 9-5 life to one of creativity. I can say that since I've started the show I've moved closer to making that dream a reality.
             Maybe it's time I stop being so timid? Maybe I need to mix in some strides with all those baby steps I've been taking? Only time will tell!
 
Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

New episode is up Party People!