Bang Bang Shoot Shoot, now don't we all feel better?

Afternoon Party People!
             There has been a lot of talk on the internets about the failure of humanities in Connecticut as well as Oregon. I'd like to start out by telling you in advance that this blog isn't about anti-gun rights or NRA but rather a pro-America blog.
             What do I mean by that? Well I've always thought an ideal way of moving our society forward is to promote responsibility (Gun,drug,sex education) as opposed to taking away our choices (Laws forbidding Guns,sex,and drugs). Does that mean there should be no laws on these things? HELL NO THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN!!!!
             Well if you don't feel one way then you must feel another right? Right! Especially if you're an addict as that type of thinking coincides with the thinking of most if not all drug addicts and alcoholics. I know this as I have been in recovery (if not recovered) for quite sometime now. Black and White thinking is what they call it. Why do most addicts think this way? I think because we search for the easiest answer that doesn't involve any introspection whatsoever. That way our "Ego" can go on calling the shots while we live on thinking we're in control of anything.
             Let's try and confront this issue without renewing the cycle shall we? I'm going to through out some thoughts but I assert you that I don't have any easy answers on how to deal with all of this (I leave that up to us my friends).
        First thought:
            - as much as I would love for this to be so, I don't think taking away guns is going to prevent shit like this from happening. I know you would never want to murder a bunch of kids or innocent people in a mall but IF you did and you were going to do it no matter what, would not having a gun stop you? More than likely not, next time I bet it'll be a pipe bomb or some type of toxic gas. Yes guns make a massacre like this possible, had they'd not been there I think it might have been a different type of massacre....or maybe it wouldn't , I don't know.
            - as much as I think it would be great if it did, I don't think teaching about Christianity in schools would stop a bullet. I don't think the answer is in bringing back Divinity studies in public education. Keep in mind that bad people go to church as well. I do however think you have a good idea. My knee jerk reaction to seeing the FB posts on how God isn't in schools is part of the problem was to see is as ,"If you'd believe like I do then this world wouldn't be so fucked up". Now is that what people meant? Probably not but that's how I reacted to it. Then I thought, hey maybe they meant that if people were close to each other and cared about their neighbors like the way "we" do in our church then maybe the world would be so gosh darn gee willikers fucked up. I don't think they're wrong about that.

             Maybe if we cared a little bit more about our communities , our neighbors, our own street for that matter we might make a world that's far less hospitable for monsters. I can't control the world and save those poor victims, I wish I could, just like you all must feel. I have to accept that there are limited actions I can take that could fix any of this. Granted we have our elected representatives and such but what about the world that greets us when we open our front door?
             I think those cowards were trying to take two things from us. On one end they took the life from those we miss dearly, on the other they wish to take away the beauty we see in this world. They wish to take our liberty, our freedom, our joy of seeing our kids play on the street without worry of something bad happening to them. They want us to be isolated, alone, and worst of all for any American to be, they want us to be scared and scarred clinging to our hate filled righteousness. Well I say no! I refuse to accept the world is as hopeless as they saw it!
             I say I'm going to take another step outside and get to know my neighbors, I'm going to be connected to this world instead of isolated (another addict habit). I'd be open to any suggestions Party People.

Till next time,
Keep on a Chooglin!

I can't wait for the next year to start! or Apoclypse Schmocolypse

Morning Party People!

              It's 5 am and here I am with a loaded cup of cheap ass coffee ready to pull the trigger right into my dome. Click click and gulp as the coffee goes down into my tummy , I feel my veins shake with the chemical reaction. My heart makes an atempt to raise it's rate, much like how a 57 chevy impala tries to start on a cold morning, once, twice, and here we go!
              I can't wait till next year starts, It's not so much as needing a new start, just a completion to this year. Most of you know I hit the reset button on my life a year ago, going from a secure salary to living off my creativity. I thought all I would need was a part time job to keep things going, I thought it might be a little tough but possible. I'm glad I took that leap of faith because had I known how depressing this year was going to be financially I might have chickened out.
              So was it a mistake? Did I make any money at all? Did I fail?
             Depends on what kind of person I want to be. Am I a glass half full or empty kind of guy? Did I make enough to live off of? Nope. Did I make any money at all? Yes I did! I made a few grand this year with DisJointed and I plan on doubling that for next year.
             I forget how life works sometimes. It took me awhile to make the money I did in the restaurant biz, why I thought I would be making the same income right off the bat with my company is beyond me! Funny how ego can set us up to fail, to give up, to go crawling back. Am I upset that I only made a little over 2k this year?
            Hell no I'm not! The fact that I took nothing , literally nothing but a moment in time and space, recorded it then edited it with my cousin then sold it is nothing short of a miracle! Next year I plan on feeling more of the same way once that project was finished!
            What's also onthe docket for next year?
            - getting paid for stand up
            - Producing a vaudeville show and being able to pay the performers
            - four quinceanerras
            - Booking a professional gig
            - finishing the recording for the remaining episodes for Frankie's Story
            - Writing a screenplay for the above mentioned story =P
            - more "Sneaker Guy!"

           As you can see I have a lot to do next year, as I'm sure we all do. It's all progress Party People, baby step by baby step we're getting closer to a life that we always dreamed about and I can't wait till we all get there.

           Till next time Party People,
           Keep on a chooglin!

"In a row?" or "I'm Firty seven, I'm not old"

Morning Party People!
              So today is the day, yes Dec 9th is here and I'm another year older. Thirty seven indeed sir!
              Last night Jennie and I went out and had dinner at a place called Switch in Central Pho-town, a place where most of the staff had done just that! It was posh, classy, much to classy for a guy like me these days but the let us in regardless, so props to them! Holy shit does anyone say props anymore? Even my blog is sounding like old man ><
              The food was tasy so were the drinks, I can't remember what I had for my beverage but I can tell you it was tasty and strong, like most of the staff now that I think about, I'm telling you this place had it going on =)
              Were joined by Nick and Andy. Nick is Jennie's older brother and Andy is his main squeeze. It's always fun hanging with those two. Nick is a super cool dude and Andy is one of the sassiest gals I've ever met. We spent the evening talking about Nick's new dojo which will be opening next year for those of you who wish to expand your knowledge of yourself and learn the art of Wing Chung. Then we talked about some of the local theater and burlesque troupes and how we wish we could be part of them. All in all it was one of my favorite types of evening, hanging out in downtown drinking coffee at some hipster cafe and talking about art and the future! So for that I say thanks you guys because you made me very happy ^^
               Oh and before I forget, while we were at dinner Jennie slipped away to tell the server it was my birthday, when they brought me my birthday dessert I was filled with such joy! Seriously, no one has done that for me in years and for once in a long long time I felt like all those other people I used to see walking around own in their perfect little relationships. It felt good, it's something tha I want to hold on to for as long as I can.
               So that was last night, this is today! So what's next? Well on my wish list is to finish a "Coming out sketch" for the troupe. I'd like to work on Frankie's Story or at least the screenplay for it, perhaps I'll polish the turd known as my 5 minutes for next weeks comedy open mic night. I think a few more passes at some of the jokes I've been working on and I'll be ready to start working on a ten minute set! I'm really excited about all of the stand up. If anything I really missed being up on a stage, it's one of the few place that really feels like home for me. Some of you out there had been there with me at AMDA. AMDA stands for the American Musical and Dramatic Acadamy for those of you who aren't aware. It's so funny because back then I hated going up on stage mainly because I was usually unprepared, like some of my friends who were in class with me. These days I still hate to go up when I'm in the same boat, mainly because I feel like I'm really cheating myself when I try to slap someting together last minute. Besides my performance is always a thousand times better when I go up prepared.
              I think this next year is going to be something really special. I had known that a year ago when I transitioned my life and my income from being a manager to being an artist that it would be rough. This year I found out exactly how rough that would be, I had almost lost my instruments in pawn this year, and many times I was afraid Jennie would look at me and say,"Fuck this loser I'm out of here!"
              Well I was wrong on many fronts, Jennie has been there for me in so many ways and she seems to see all of whats not perfect about who I am and loves me anyways, take that ego! Yeah, this is going to be a great year!
              Till next time Party People,
              Keep on a Chooglin!

The Longmont Files Day 5: Getting a bead on CO living.

Morning Party People!
    Wow, what a day yesterday! I think I’m getting the hang of this happy thing. Perhaps I’m getting more and more comfortable with Jennie’s family. To be honest there’s a big part of me that would love to call them my in laws someday. That’s in the future though, this is now.
    Jennie’s Dad came to join us yesterday, Jerry is his name. We’ve talked a little bit here and there but I don’t think I’ve really gotten a chance to spend some actual time with him until now. He’s a wonderful guy, a minister for a biker church,volunteer for a homeless shelter, and all around great guy.
    We went to downtown Longmont to do some shopping, we started at a vitamin store which was more like a Sprouts or a Whole foods as most of the store was raw food items as well a supplements. The people thats worked there were all super friendly. It was filled with two types of employees, either it was a young person with a collections of tattoos and gauges or it was a 60 year old hippie with what looked like a protein deficiency. No matter which everyone was real happy and nice, that was until I asked if they carried corn syrup for a pecan pie Jennie was going to make. I’d rank that up with when I asked an Amish pie vendor if they took debit cards. It’s when you don’t intend to be a dick but end up being one anyways that makes it all so funny.
    Next we walked down the main street of Downtown Longmont which is a collection of varied privately owned businesses. I was in heaven! It’s great to see so many people take their ideas and form them into a tangible business, I live in AZ where they talk about that concept a lot but I rarely see it with in the city limits. It’s in the cities or Arizona that the corporations rule the dreams of the american entrepreneur, yet somehow here in Colorado the individual still holds some sway. For instance we went to a bead lounge...a bead- Ok this is how much I love my gal Jennie. I went to church,a Richard Marx concert and a fucking bead store for her, but I digress.
    The rest of the day had a taste of discovery that has yet to leave either of us. Today we’re going to look at apartments as part of our continuing research of transplanting to CO. I’m pretty excited about it, the thought of starting a new life has been with me ever since my marriage ended. Seriously I’ve wanted to move to another state and start over for years now. The main reason I haven’t yet was that I didn’t want to move to get away from my problems, well that was then, this is now. I’m the person I  want to be as opposed to the guy I ended up being and I can feel the urge to move deep in my veins.
    So I hope to find something exciting today, I hope you find something exciting in your day too, so till next time Party People,
    Keep on a Chooglin!

The Longmont Files: Day 4 A New Snoozy Day

Morning Party People!   
    I find I’m sleeping in more and more over this past week, maybe this vacation is starting to set in. Who knows, all I can tell at this point is that Jennie’s family are super great and I’m having a lot of fun in ways that don’t involve video games,liquor or the internet. Yes it boggles my mind as well.
    Yesterday was a much happier day as it didn’t involve any religious services or over priced bistros. To be honest all I did yesterday was sleep, my body hasn’t acclimated to this altitude just yet so breathing tended to get kind of difficult which is why I stayed in bed most of the day. It sucks really, knowing there’s a whole city out there to get to know but all I could do is sleep. At least I had Jennie to snuggle with.
    When we did venture out of the house we went to the market to get some supplies for tonights dinner. I’m excited about it as we’re making gluten free pizza which is one of my specialties. I forget the name of the store we were in but it was the same as Fry’s back in AZ. The biggest difference was over here the store was chock full of white people. It’s so funny to me when I get nervous about that. I guess working with so many cultures and people that when I’m around only one I think something ominous is approaching. Damn liberals must have gotten to me.
    One of the biggest trips for me has been one of the things I’ve been trying not to write about. Jennie’s niece and nephew as well as their parents. These kids are so smart and so nice and wonderful and yet they are raised in a manner that is so foreign to me that I still find it a little jarring. Now keep in mind that there is nothing wrong with this family or how they run it, nothing at all. I think in my mind they way I was raised is the only logical way to raise a kid, pure ego right? That’s what I’m finding anyways. I was raised by a fairly strict Mexican upbringing. If you don’t know what that is , it’s very similar to how any lower class family raises their kids only when your mom gets pissed she swears in Spanish.
    There was a lot of ridicule in our house, a lot of love mind you but there was a lot of harshness to go with it. I guess my parents thought that this world is a tough place so they wanted their kids to be equally tough. This meant a lot of tough love, stern gazes telling us to take the pain of whatever was hurting us, to make are hearts like ice when we needed them to be. I wont say that these traits haven't helped me in this life but now I think I might have lost something along the way.
    What I see in this house are two parents that dedicate their lives to loving these kids. They love so openly and with out apology or shyness thats it’s a little overwhelming for me to see. I’m just not used to seeing it. So where does that leave me? With a lot of questions thats where!
    I think I need to open my heart and mind , to what? To love and forgiveness, forgiveness of being vulnerable, forgiveness for caring  and a forgiveness for all the things I keep hidden about how I feel about this world.
    If anything I’m grateful for seeing a new way to do things, a new way to live, a new way to love. Today would have been Jennie’s Moms birthday. Sadly she passed a way over a year ago. I know this is going to be a tough day for her, I’m going to be there for her as much as I can and with a little luck, just a bit more so.
    Till next time Party People ,
    Keep on a Chooglin!

The Longmont Files: Trading Places with an Ugly Me

Morning Party People!
    I’m writing at the crack of 11:00am here in the pretty town of Longmont CO.
Hey did you know I’m a bigot? Neither did I to be honest but then I went to a church service yesterday.
    Perhaps bigot is too strong of a term but I definitely was not as happy as the other people who were in attendance. I found myself being somewhat of a Faith Snob to be honest. While everyone one was singing with their hands in the air and eyes closed with huge smile on their face I couldn’t help but feel it was forced. That’s a horrible thing to say and I don’t like admitting it. I mean if it works for them and they believe they’re happy what should I feel anything but happy for them?
    Maybe it’s because I lack the spirit if Christ? Maybe I’m a lost sheep who needs a shepherd so I could back and rejoice in the glory of the lord and spend eternity worshiping and serving his majesty....did I even mention I was raised in this?
    This is going to sound so blasphemous and un-patriotic that I feel I should warn most of you. When most pastors talk to me about how Jesus died on a cross I get the same feeling in my gut as when an war veteran tells me he fought for my freedom. I’m not saying they didn’t but I need to look at their actions a bit more closely before I just take it at face value. something tells me that we as a people are far to giving of respect to all sorts or the wrong things.
    so yeah I’m still a bit wound up over yesterday, I think I need to meditate on these feeling a bit more before I write any further. So onto another topic!
    We went to see Richard Marx in concert last night. Granted this wasn’t my idea but I can honestly say that yes I had a good time. I’ve never been a big fan of his music but this guy can defiantly put on a great show. Jennie had a blast and all was well.
    That was until we stopped at a market to get some snacks and I said I was going to get some smokes. Jennie politely opposed this purchase in the kindest most encouraging manner, of to which I got all silent and ass-like. I don’t know everything but I do know when I should keep quiet so I don’t say something I know I’d regret. I apologized once we got home of course and all was well.
    There was one more part of the evening where we went out to eat in a nice posh restaurant and I’d love to tell you about them but fuck those dicks and their over priced,under portioned, and needlessly over spiced menu. Fuck’em hard
    So today we’ll be trying to think of something to add to the thanksgiving dinner while fighting off my nicotine withdrawals. If I can find a gluten free phyllo I think we’ll be in business!
    I know I sound pretty bitchy right now, its because I hate all this uncertainty in my life right now, then again patience is what life seems to want me to learn . I’ll be very happy once this lesson is learned as so will most of the people in my life. Thanks for being there by the way.

Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!

The Longmont Files: Day 2 Leaving track Marx

Good Morning Party People!
    Another day in the Mile Hi Suburb here in Longmont Colorado. I’m having a blast hanging with my sweetie and her family. We all did a little sight seeing when we went to downtown Denver and had lunch at a great restaurant whose names escapes me but thats ok seeing as who the hell cares...really?
    The restaurant itself was pretty interesting as it sat about 100 people and was privately owned, all I could think of was if I were ever forced to work back as a manager that would be the kind of business I would like to run.
    We walked around for a little bit after that, I felt a little bad because our hosts didn’t know what to show us but then again we had no idea  what to see. After a bit we gave up seeing anything that would make us go WHOA(Joey Lawrnce) WHOA!
    However on the way back we did see something pretty special. Chris (Jennie’s brother in law) was pointing out a lot of the downtown landmarks as Sam(Jennie’s 7 year old nephew) asked question after question in case I missed any. I was a little preoccupied as my Sis was texting me about how her cat scratched my cat in the eye. As Sis and I were trying to find a solution and Chris was showing me the city I saw something truly great, a strip club followed by a seedy bar.
    We were getting into an artsy part of the city. I think we were on Collifax or something but the neighborhood was full of tattoo parlors  and coffee shops with the side streets being jammed with huge Victorian style homes. This part of town had some character, this said welcome to me.
    As we passed by these cozy three storied homes I imagined myself looking out of every window. What would it feel like inside? Where would we put my studio? What would it feel like to unlock the front door and walk in on a Sunday afternoon?    
    Could this be a new home? Could this be a new life? What would I be leaving behind?
    So now there are a lot of new questions that need answers but at least what I have now is some time to figure things out. It’s a cross between knowing the difference what is new and exciting and what’s good for us.
    That was yesterday, today is going to be interesting, we’re going to church and later tonight we’re going to a Richard Marx concert...yes I love Jennie that much =P
    I’ll try and put some pics up tomorrow,till next time Party People
    Keep on a Chooglin!