Damn you Henry Rollins! It's time to get my ass back to work!

Morning Party People!
            For the past year or so I've been trying to rewire my brain. That's the best way to describe what it is that I'm doing. From my physical health to my mental health, I've been working on taking baby step by baby step towards the person/artist that I want to be.
            It started when I came to Denver this time last year. It was the new start that I had dreamed of ever since I knew my marriage was over. You see when you go through something as destructive as a divorce it acts the same was as a forest fire. Yes there is a lot of burning of trees, yes there is a lot of smoke that gets in your eyes so you can't see straight, and yes a lot of the creatures who lived in that forest are either dead or homeless and hungry but out of all that destruction new life springs forth.
             The hard part is not wanting to ditch that forest for a similar forest that isn't on fire. The other forest doesn't have your past but it has the same problems as the last one did. Similar creatures  and similar trees that choke out the same sun, Think of it as running from your problems only to find shelter and comfort in a new environment which has the same issues as before.
            It was important to me that I not "Run" from my problems in Phoenix. I had worked hard to overcome those problems so when I moved to Denver I did it with a blank slate that I had earned and created. In this past year I've spent way more time doing comedy and writing than I had in my fifteen  years in Phoenix. I had also started working on my health through DDP Yoga, in doing so I've addressed more of my bad health habits here than I have ever done. All in all I'm doing what I wanted to do and have made a lot of my move here.
            Here's the thing, I know I can do more, I know I could do better.
            A week ago  stumbled apon a episode of Pete Holmes podcast You Made it Weird where his guest was Henry Rollins.

 http://www.nerdist.com/pepisode/you-made-it-weird-243-henry-rollins/

            If you have never listened to a podcast before this is a good one to start out on. It's shows like this and conversations like this that made me want to start my own show. I learned so much from this interview with Henry Rollins. First off I learned I don't want to be Henry Rollins. I do however want to have some of his habits as well as his work ethics. To me it seems like Henry works very hard to get shit done, I think an excuse is like a cancer that eats away at his soul and everyday he takes a scalpel and cuts it out of his own flesh only to great the sunrise and say"Let's do this fucker!"
             He's always working to get better at what he does, he even works to get better on getting better and when he's not doing that he's working on getting better at getting better. Life is a finite thing and he is hyper aware of that fact so he's trying to make every day count So I'm going to follow his lead and do the same thing.
             The power of conversation is an amazing thing, there's something about hearing a story of someone's success and having it empower you do move your own life forward. One of those steps for me is this blog. This little blog that I started a ways back and have sadly neglected
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             My new goal is to post here once a week, I'm going to force myself to write and in so forcing myself to observe and connect with the world around me. It's the next step in my own evolution, I'd call it a baby step but I think my "baby steps" have grown into something else.

             That's all I have for this week, tune in next week where I'm sure I'll be bitching about my day job! Till next time Party People, Keep on a Chooglin!

This week we talk with writer/director Jayson Spence!

Let's talk about gardening!

DDPYoga vlog ch3 wk3

New episode is up! All AMDA peeps will want to listen to this!

I don't know what to feel right now, another Germain leaves this world.

Morning Everyone,
              I'll give you a heads up, this isn't a happy blog.
              The emotions we use to process the information that seeps in and out of the fabric of time can be just as confusing as enlightening. About a month ago I got word that three of my brothers were having health issues to varying degrees. The least of which was a silent heart attack.
              The moment I heard the news I had an instant reaction to start preparing for the worst, to steal myself, I had to plan for what was coming. I knew I had to do this, I had to react a certain way, I had been through this before.
               When I was twelve I lost my father to a heart issue. I watched him whither away over a year's time from what could only be describes as a superhero in a child's eyes to a bitter man who used to make me get him cigarettes as he wheezed constantly. In that time I did what I had learned from him before he got sick. I turned my heart to stone, I did my best not to feel any pain. To stay strong, the family motto as it were.
               A few days ago I got a message via Facebook from my younger sister saying that my Brother Damon was going into surgery. They were going to try for a heart transplant but if they couldn't do that they would install a defibrillator. I knew when they told me that a heart transplant wasn't going to happen. I hoped that the defibrillator would work but they a day later I got a call from another brother saying his body rejected it.
               Last night shortly after 10pm my brother Damon left this world.
              As a person who considers himself an optimist it's situations like this that makes be feel utterly helpless, a fool even for trying to think positive. I know I'm not a fool. I'm fortunate enough to know when hope isn't enough . Reality is far to clear. I know I'm heartbroken, I know I'm filled with regret for not trying to be closer to him, and I know that none of those feeling ,regrets, or desires do anything to change the fact that I'll never be able to correct those things.
              However....
              The lesson I learned from my fathers passing was to teach myself not to feel. As a grown man I learned that that's a short term fix. I think of it like hitting the nitros on a race car, you can use it in short bursts but you can't drive like that all the time. I made many mistakes when it came to being a good person, a lot of it had to do with not feeling.  These days I know how to balance this.
              I thought back to when I was 13, when I was messed up from what had happened, I wished I had someone close to me to talk to. I had my Mom and my sister but they were hurting just like I was and I didn't want to burden them (in my mind) I had to be strong. I had my older brothers and sister but I didn't grow up with them and we had never been close at that point.
              Then I thought of my brother's kids, my nephew specifically.
              My nephew is a good kid. He's smart, handsome and driven. In short, he's a Germain. I called him to talk about what was going on and to ask how he was dealing with all of this. I felt really invasive about it all because we had only ever really spoken a few years prior to that phone call. I know that he's strong enough to handle all of this, but just the same , I know what it's like to lose someone you care about and I know what it's like to want someone to talk to about shit like this.
              There's nothing I can do about the past , but I know there is a way I can help with the future and that's what I hope to do.

               I know change is a part of growing. I just wish we as beings were able to adequately prepare for these changes.
               Via con Dios dear brother, I hope you have fun fishing with Dad once again =)

New Episode is up!