Evening Party People!
It's been awhile since I wrote anything to you all, for that I apologize. I think I've let me life get cluttered with various activities and thoughts that at one point promised to bring me joy but in the end brought distraction.
Over the past few weeks I've been chipping away at the things that were keeping me from my goals. When it comes down to it I had to look at who I am versus who I wanted to be and cut out what doesn't work. Naturally the things I need to cut out of my life seem to coincide with what I identified with for so long.
The first thing to go was my Xbox 360. This was a tough one because being a gamer was a big part of who I was for so long. I'm 39 and I had been playing video games since I was in Junior high! Did you know you can be fat and ugly and call yourself a gamer? It's true, no one will expect anything from you when you're a gamer other than the fact that you love playing games. I'm not shitting on the new medium of art known as video games mind you, but for what I need to do with my life playing games all day or even part of the day doesn't really help me.
That was a tough pill to swallow, the fact that gaming wasn't doing anything for me other than distracting me in a fun way. Imagine a friend of yours who you've trusted for years has to be sent away because you found out they've been telling your dreams to fuck off behind your back. Dramatic I know but I find the older I get the more dramatic I need to be in order to motivate myself. Some of us are past our halfway make on this planet.
The next thing that is one it's way out is all the extra me that's hanging on my gut . Meaning my unhealthy lifestyle need to go. To be honest this isn't so much about being healthy and loosing weight and being in shape. It's about being me, I don't feel like I look like who I feel like. I'm not sure if that makes sense. Perhaps it's vanity or self indulgence but when I look in the mirror I only see bits and pieces of who I am/want to be. I know this will be a long process, lucky for me I have a plan!
I've started doing my DDP Yoga again. I even bought a yoga mat to do it on. Why is that a big thing for me? It's a big thing because I rarely invest in me, just look at how I dress! I rarely buy new clothes, I only buy shows when my current ones start to fall apart and I'm lucky if I remember to comb my hair in the morning. Do I avoid these things because they don't matter to me? Absolutely not, I love looking good, I love being attractive! So why? Why don't I take better care of me?
Truthfully I don't think I'm worth it, I think money could be better spent on things like bills and such. For years the only rewards I ever gave myself were my vices (Food,gaming,sex). None of my vices are even considered vices to most people but in my case I let they become distractions. Over the past five years I'm learned to turn those vices back into positive things for me (gaming still is a struggle)
So what makes me think that this effort will be different from any other attempt to get my life back on track? What makes me think I wont fall back into my old habits?
The answer is simple yet hard for me to accept, because I've changed, I've grown. As hard as it is to admit.
I can get my health back on track, I know it because I've already lost fifty pounds in the last year and I know I can lose fifty more.
I can get my career moving because I've already done that before. I was good enough to be on TV, I was good enough to get accepted to a theater academy and I'm good enough to do it again!
I can get funnier than I am today. I know this because after three years of doing open mics I finally got booked on a showcase and I did well. Meaning that I wasn't funny enough to be on a showcase for three years and worked hard on my jokes and found a way to make them better1
For those of you who follow my podcast (at disjointedpod.com ) you know I've been asking the question of what it takes to go from a 9-5 life to one of creativity. I can say that since I've started the show I've moved closer to making that dream a reality.
Maybe it's time I stop being so timid? Maybe I need to mix in some strides with all those baby steps I've been taking? Only time will tell!
Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!
It's been awhile since I wrote anything to you all, for that I apologize. I think I've let me life get cluttered with various activities and thoughts that at one point promised to bring me joy but in the end brought distraction.
Over the past few weeks I've been chipping away at the things that were keeping me from my goals. When it comes down to it I had to look at who I am versus who I wanted to be and cut out what doesn't work. Naturally the things I need to cut out of my life seem to coincide with what I identified with for so long.
The first thing to go was my Xbox 360. This was a tough one because being a gamer was a big part of who I was for so long. I'm 39 and I had been playing video games since I was in Junior high! Did you know you can be fat and ugly and call yourself a gamer? It's true, no one will expect anything from you when you're a gamer other than the fact that you love playing games. I'm not shitting on the new medium of art known as video games mind you, but for what I need to do with my life playing games all day or even part of the day doesn't really help me.
That was a tough pill to swallow, the fact that gaming wasn't doing anything for me other than distracting me in a fun way. Imagine a friend of yours who you've trusted for years has to be sent away because you found out they've been telling your dreams to fuck off behind your back. Dramatic I know but I find the older I get the more dramatic I need to be in order to motivate myself. Some of us are past our halfway make on this planet.
The next thing that is one it's way out is all the extra me that's hanging on my gut . Meaning my unhealthy lifestyle need to go. To be honest this isn't so much about being healthy and loosing weight and being in shape. It's about being me, I don't feel like I look like who I feel like. I'm not sure if that makes sense. Perhaps it's vanity or self indulgence but when I look in the mirror I only see bits and pieces of who I am/want to be. I know this will be a long process, lucky for me I have a plan!
I've started doing my DDP Yoga again. I even bought a yoga mat to do it on. Why is that a big thing for me? It's a big thing because I rarely invest in me, just look at how I dress! I rarely buy new clothes, I only buy shows when my current ones start to fall apart and I'm lucky if I remember to comb my hair in the morning. Do I avoid these things because they don't matter to me? Absolutely not, I love looking good, I love being attractive! So why? Why don't I take better care of me?
Truthfully I don't think I'm worth it, I think money could be better spent on things like bills and such. For years the only rewards I ever gave myself were my vices (Food,gaming,sex). None of my vices are even considered vices to most people but in my case I let they become distractions. Over the past five years I'm learned to turn those vices back into positive things for me (gaming still is a struggle)
So what makes me think that this effort will be different from any other attempt to get my life back on track? What makes me think I wont fall back into my old habits?
The answer is simple yet hard for me to accept, because I've changed, I've grown. As hard as it is to admit.
I can get my health back on track, I know it because I've already lost fifty pounds in the last year and I know I can lose fifty more.
I can get my career moving because I've already done that before. I was good enough to be on TV, I was good enough to get accepted to a theater academy and I'm good enough to do it again!
I can get funnier than I am today. I know this because after three years of doing open mics I finally got booked on a showcase and I did well. Meaning that I wasn't funny enough to be on a showcase for three years and worked hard on my jokes and found a way to make them better1
For those of you who follow my podcast (at disjointedpod.com ) you know I've been asking the question of what it takes to go from a 9-5 life to one of creativity. I can say that since I've started the show I've moved closer to making that dream a reality.
Maybe it's time I stop being so timid? Maybe I need to mix in some strides with all those baby steps I've been taking? Only time will tell!
Till next time Party People
Keep on a Chooglin!
